#Just checking in funny how to#

Harry HillДЇormula for success: rise early, work hard, strike oil. ItвЂ™s only when you look at an ant through a magnifying glass on a sunny day that you realize how often they burst into flames. Walter MathauДЄ black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere. My doctor gave me six months to live, but when I couldnвЂ™t pay the bill he gave me six months more. Going to church doesnвЂ™t make you a Christian any more than going to a garage makes you an automobile. Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit.

If you live to be one hundred, youвЂ™ve got it made. вЂњOf all the things IвЂ™ve lost I miss my mind the most.вЂќ вЂ“ Ozzy Ozbourne The trouble is, they are usually married to each other. Andy BorowitzДЄt every party there are two kinds of people вЂ“ those who want to go home and those who donвЂ™t. It would be nice to spend billions on schools and roads, but right now that money is desperately needed for political ads. Women marry men with the hope they will change.

Men marry women with the hope they will never change. Nobody realizes that some people expend tremendous energy merely to be normal. Al McGuireД®verybody who is incapable of learning has taken to teaching. The only mystery in life is why the kamikaze pilots wore helmets. These humorous observation quotes are a great way to reflect and add some levity to daily situations. Sometimes simply observing daily life provides enough funny quotes to make you laugh. ItвЂ™s always funny until someone gets hurt. When the going gets tough, the tough just quit. вЂњWork is the curse of the drinking classes.вЂќ вЂ“ Oscar Wilde They laughed at Columbus, they laughed at Fulton, they laughed at the Wright Brothers. Bryan WhiteД«ut the fact that some geniuses were laughed at does not imply that all who are laughed at are geniuses.

#Just checking in funny how to#

We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public. Wine is constant proof that God loves us and loves to see us happy. My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that IвЂ™m right. To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first, and call whatever you hit the target. I am an early bird and a night owlвЂ¦ so I am wise and I have worms. I told you to go to CoxвЂ™s and buy a searsucker suit, but it looks like you went to Sears instead.

Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who would want to live in an institution? H.L. My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them. вЂњIf any of you cry at my funeral IвЂ™ll never speak to you again.вЂќ вЂ“ Stan Laurel If you think nobody cares if youвЂ™re alive, try missing a couple of car payments. There is a theory which states that if ever anyone discovers exactly what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable.There is another theory which states that this has already happened. I used to jog but the ice cubes kept falling out of my glass. Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night. When I was a boy I was told that anybody could become President. Bob ThavesДЄll right everyone, line up alphabetically according to your height. Inside me thereвЂ™s a thin person struggling to get out, but I can usually sedate him with four or five cupcakes. Trouble knocked at the door, but, hearing laughter, hurried away. вЂњI thought talk was cheap until I saw our telephone bill.вЂќ вЂ“ Henny Youngman Quotes to Make You Laugh